and I thought what I felt was simple

so the weekend was spent with cory <3
today was high meadows, so i hung out with mostly cory && trev. picked out the hot chicks there with them. they like dont understand how i can do that, but like idk. maybe i'm overly secure or something but i know cory's not gonna leave me for a plastic looking chick...not to mention if he did he'd be miserable. so hey go ahead and look.
then me and sasha danced a bunch haha. im sooo burnt but it was fun

prom is tomorrow
am i fully prepared. obviously not but oh well. ill be okay. nail and toes are done. hair and make up tomorrow.
brandons car saves my life lmao

<3

So from where I left off...okay. So I came back to school junior year, after a summer of seeing Trevor like everyday pretty damn happy. Everything fell through with Stevey...but it didn't matter to me so I was just happy to be back at school. I had gym first quarter where I met and brieflyi dated Jerah...it was a train wreck! Haha. Lets just say the only thing he really wanted was sex and who has sex with someone who can't even kiss properly. Ew; so about Thanksgiving we broke up, but he still treated me like his girlfriend because we were going to semi together. Mind you during this time I had opted to be a manager for the swim team because Trevor was a swimmer and my friend Eric was a manager as well. Oh and it counted as an activity for my college transcripts which by then needed some perfecting. At this point in time Trevor and I were talking to each other constantly, a mirror of the end of sophomore year. As odd as this may sound I remember talking to Trev on the phone just about every night as i wrapped Christmas presents for my mom and on December 11th he asked me out. I was iffy, per usual but he still talked to me like every night, or texted with me and so on December 15th I finally said yes. Yeah, I know, it took me forever...but I was ecstatic. From then on it just got cute because I had someone to hold hands with and be kissy face with at school. Not to mention someone to hangout with on Friday nights. Our first date, I guess you could call it was the next Friday after the swim meet, which I was attending anyway being manager and all. It was pretty funny because he was like introducing me to his mom. Haha. I was sooo freaking scared, he said I had nothing to worry about but I figured if she hated me for any reason I'd say bye bye to boyfriend. Luckily she was extremely nice and liked me. Still does actually...lol. So that night the plan was to see Happy Feet bbbuuuttt we were late to see the showing so we ended up seeing Night at the Museum. It was wicked good. From then on things went amazingly great. He got me a teddy bear for Christmas, which is funny because stuffed animals are so the way to my heart, and I saw him a lot. Also when classes changed he had the same Chem teacher the very next period so I could see him everyday before 4th period. Making me a very happy girl. Fast forward to a very very happy April and May. Trevor got his license and we were hanging out a lot. I loved my time with him. Then May 5th was his birthday so I took my SATs and then went to a luncheon-thing for his job at H & R Block and then his confirmation. That was fun...only not that much fun because not only did I have to attend church lol, but I had to sit next to his older brother. Who btw is hot...bbbuuuttt a pain in the ass. So of course he bugged me the whole time. Then after it was to Trevor's for a little party.
Also in May his parents went away for the week leaving him the house to himself (: So he went to my Spring Concert for choir with his friends because Pat's girlfriend was Haley who sang with me, and then Sam and Abi went too because that was our group. Emphasis on was. So after I didn't really want to go home, because hey, who wants to go home. So I told my mom I was crashing at Austin's and slept over Trev's. I'd like to point out there was no sex involved, but it was nice to fall asleep with someone. We went to school the next day together (: (: (: and spent that day after school together. Actually that was the day I first gave blood ever and he carried my backpack to his car. Then we get to his house and he was like babe, you look like you need a nap, so we took a nap and saw Shrek 3.
Sadly that was our last date. He got busy, I got busy and we never saw each other. Then on the last few days of school we got into like two big fights and he broke up with me. I cried for like three days. The only upside was Arizona...


...I won't miss the way that you kiss me...

The goal of this journal is for it to be completely honest from now on. It isn't that I'm dishonest per say but I tend to censor myself, quite a bit actually. I'm afraid that if anyone knew everything I really thought and felt they'd hate me, or just think I'm off balance. Which I very well may be but not much I can do now is there. So lets start it from the top. I have just under 3 weeks left of school, where I'm not sure I really have like friends. I always have this sinking feeling that I'm just a burden or something. Anyway. I have this amazing boyfriend who I'm sure I could like marry. No it hasn't been that long but he's absolutely amazing. Anyway. Part of me want to start from the beginning of my sordid affairs which starts about two years ago.

SO sophomore year shall we?
January, 10th grade. I broke up with my boy of like six months. Why? I'm pretty sure I just was not happy. Like not even a little. He wanted this completely settled down relationship and we'll I was 15. I was confused and I knew I did not want to have sex with him, not even a little. So we broke up. And of course I rebounded with a boy named Will. This cause all sorts of drama but he was a nice guy and it was easy. I was pretty into him until I began to get ignored for his best friend. Don't get me wrong, I know I was working but if you're going to a movie with your best friend and his girlfriend, both of which I'm friends with, shouldn't you at least invite me? Anyway he was a senior so we went to prom. HE DID NOT FUCKING DANCE. I was so ticked because he drags me to a dance, doesn't dance with me and had been ignoring me. Screw that, I can do better. So the next day was a six flags field trip with the MMAA which I signed up for strictly because it was the day after prom so I wouldn't have to work or anything. Also because my best best best guy friend was going to be there, Trevor. So he sat with me on the bus and let me listen to his iPod. <33 Music is so the way to my heart. Mind you I'm still done up from prom and we have to sit in the Batman Theater and listen to people babble. So Trevor sits and helps me take out my hair because it was still in some elaborate bun thing. After we ditched finding out how rides worked and went right to rides. I worked at Six Flags at the time so the games were off limits and I had to work that day anyway. So he and I spent the day going on rides then we went to the grove for lunch and he just had his arms around me. And it was like movie scene perfect. He wanted to date me then, but I was scared. At the end of the day he won me a Cookie Monster because I said it was cute. He also applied for games and worked with me for the whole summer. I should have said yes then. Instead I just joked with him the whole summer as I would with any of my friends and dated this security guard there. It was only a fling, if you can call it that. Three dates tops. But Trevor was always there....

to be continued...

...i won't miss the way that you kiss me...